There is no action here because...

...Action has shifted to Xanga. Visit me (if you still care) on the following link:

http://www.xanga.com/MeDuSaah

Ciao!

STONED.

A part of me is rather surprised that I'm alive right now.

That same part of me was the one that kept screaming, "I'm dying!" over and over again in my head, however stupid that may seem in retrospect.

I don't know what happened to me yesterday - For three hours my world had shrunk itself to the innards of my brain. The images around me seemed mere illusions - like I was walking through glass. My senses were heightened; I could see and hear everything that was going on, down to the slightest detail. I can tell you exactly what Tushar kept repeating to himself ("Fuuuck!"), I can tell you that Gayatri called up Nammo's mom and told her that she was convulsing and chanting and that they were very worried. I remember looking at Tulsi's yellow face and red T-Shirt, and thinking, “ Under normal circumstances, I would have made cracks about jaundice (My IQ isn’t the point, here) and laughed at her. But fuck knows this is not a normal circumstance.” I could register everything that was happening around me. Like a man with his neck on the guillotine registers.

Adding fuel to the fire were the random snatches of people's conversations that kept on looping in my head:

“Do you want some water, Raddy?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m puking out the water that I just drank.”

“Do you want some water, Raddy?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m puking out the water that I just drank.”

“Do you want some water, Raddy?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m puking out the water that I just drank.”

I saw what happened to Raddy and I was terrified. I was worried about her, and at the same time I didn’t want to end up that way. My brain rummaged around for and repeated every little bit of information I had amassed over the year about Bhang. I could hear my dad say, “Don’t try bhang. You might not like it – it’s a very scary experience.” I heard Akshata go, “Dude, I got so high last time. It was awesome!” Sam’s voice said, “The effect lasts for any period of time, from 4 – 48 hours”, over and over again. At that point I couldn’t take it anymore. I heard the voices in my head scream, “Make it stop! Make this go away!” But I couldn’t do anything. It was like my brain was sending signals to the rest of me, but all the rest of me could do was go, “Huh?” in response. Then my brain started cursing me for drinking so much at one go. Meanwhile, making its presence felt in the melee that was my consciousness was Rohan’s voice - joking, laughing and chattering away to glory. Rohan, my man, I love you very much, you know I do, but at that very moment I wanted to turn you inside out, paint you green and set a goat upon you, just so that you would shut up for a minute.

For three hours I was tripping. I calmed down a little whenever Chetan and Tulsi’s soothing (and laughing) voices found their way into the peripheries of my perception. I calmed down a little every time I wanted to laugh at myself. I calmed down a little every time I felt like someone was wrenching my feet away from me – I had to lift my legs up to assure myself of their existence. I calmed down a little when I was talking to my mom. I calmed down a little when Sam came – his arms had never felt so good around me.

I calmed down a whole lot more once they told me my parents were there. But that was probably because I had also just finished puking my guts out in Mallu’s bathroom.

This was the first time I got stoned. I hated it. Every minute of it. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I felt like the world around me comprised of zombies who were out to get me. I felt like their cold, clammy hands would be upon me any minute. It was horrible, horrible, horrible, and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

As I'm sure at least 30 other people in my class will agree.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!

I was so absorbed in everything else that I completely forgot!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG! MAY YOU LIVE SEVERAL MORE LONG AND HAPPY YEARS!


Also happy holi everyone. A few words of advice - don't do bhang.

hehe.

SIGH

*flutter flutter flutter*

So the last post?

Yeah, you can just forget it.

*flutter flutter flutter*

I feel like I'm flying.


I haven't felt like this in a long, long time.



I love it.

Apologies suck.

It's funny that just when you think that things can't get any worse, life finds a way to scream, "HA HA HA HA, I FOOLED JU!" in you face.

"There's rockbottom

fifty feet of crap

then me"

I hate apologies. People can't just say sorry and expect everything to go back to normal. It doesn't work that way.

"I'm sorry"
Sure you are. You're sorry that you're a goat-fuckin poop eater. I'm sorry that you're a goat-fuckin poop eater too. But being sorry doesn't change that. It just makes you a repentant goat-fuckin poop eater. Which is only worse, come to think of it.

"I will never make this mistake again."
Right. That makes it all go away. What do I care if you don't ever do it again? In fact, I say you should do it again. To someone else. Why should I be the only one who suffers? Eh?

"I know you are hurt."
Score, Einstein.

"I hope we can be friends again."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I must give it to you this time dude. You are funny. Painfully so.

And finally the mother of all statements:

"I don't want to lose you."
How can you lose me? You lose only what was yours in the first place. I wasn't and now, thanks to you, I will never be.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

SHIT IS EXPLODING SHIT IS EXPLODING SHIT IS EXPLODING

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

blahblahabaalahalaablhlablhlhlhlhlhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

STOP THIS MUSIC, AYE!









*sigh*
I hate myself.

I love drunk Rishi!!! Rather...Drunk Rishi loves me (hehehehe)

2/4/2006		12:12:07 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				i'm just too bloody sloshedddd
2/4/2006		12:12:09		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				since u r drunk
2/4/2006		12:12:19 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				lets try bein cordal n friendly with each other
2/4/2006		12:12:26 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				since u r drunk
2/4/2006		12:12:29 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				it shud b fun
2/4/2006		12:12:33 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				since when's that a prob;)
2/4/2006		12:12:38 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				i've never had a prob with you
2/4/2006		12:12:40 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				honestly
2/4/2006		12:12:50 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				ure a nice gal
2/4/2006		12:13:03 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				and you're cool to be with....
2/4/2006		12:13:08 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				so chill
2/4/2006		12:13:11 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				i don't hate you
2/4/2006		12:13:13 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				no
2/4/2006		12:13:15 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				honest;y
2/4/2006		12:13:16 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				not like tht
2/4/2006		12:13:28 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				*honesytly
2/4/2006		12:13:32 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				**honesty
2/4/2006		12:13:37 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				*honestly!
2/4/2006		12:13:37 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				aww rishi
2/4/2006		12:13:40 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				thank u
2/4/2006		12:13:44 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				really
2/4/2006		12:13:45 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				u kno
2/4/2006		12:13:51 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				u really piss me off sometimes
2/4/2006		12:13:54 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				but then sometimes
2/4/2006		12:13:58 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				u do the sweetest things
2/4/2006		12:14:00 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				you just make me blooody envious...you know how to enjoy life
2/4/2006		12:14:02 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				i dunno wat 2 make of u
2/4/2006		12:14:10 AM		mEdU$aaH - Life's Good :-)				wow
2/4/2006		12:14:34 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				yeah...if there's one gal i know who's actually living and not existing,its you...
2/4/2006		12:15:24 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				now i go...i've an early morning...goodnight....
2/4/2006		12:15:29 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				*hic!*
2/4/2006		12:15:33 AM		.h3lios|satin PJs				tequila is good!

Kahan kisike liye hain mumkin
sabke liye ik sa hona
Mera dil toh
thoda bura hain
thoda bhala hain
seene main

Life's Good

Its been a while.

Nothing much has changed since the last post. And yet, everything seems a little different. Or maybe it's just the way I'm looking at things.

My first month of the new year has been lovely - I've made new friends, had new experiences, learnt new things and above all, forgotten the old the buried the past.

It's a new lovely indescribable feeling. I'm proud to say that I've changed, and hopefully for the better. I've accepted the good and the evil within me, and I'm tryin to deal with them both (though being evil is deliciously appealing ;-)

Life is hectic and little tough on the back, (hehe) but life is good.
And I will make sure it goddamn stays that way.

Meanwhile, here are a few honourable mentions:
Vahishta - For being so cool :)
Pranab - For being such a wierdo (hehehehe) I don't feel alone nemore.
Atharva - For being so absolutely clueless about what I'm feeling n yet tryin to help. The mark of true friendship, I say.
Eeshan - For all the lonnnnnnnng conversations. I loved every word! Come back to India, idiot!
Mitali - For all the great times we had together. Girl power rules!

Random happy thought.

I love hugs.

They make me feel all happy and warm, like nothing will go wrong as long as those arms are around me. And that everything is just right.

*sends hugs in direction of all friends and family, n expects them back, soon*


:-)