To the Martians, with love

No, this is not an account of how I was abducted by aliens, nor is it a testimony of any kind of sexual preference towards them (you perverts!!…all I have to say is, shame!), but it is a simple ode to the commonest of all aliens in our midst – MEN (Men are from Mars...gedit??), and their convoluted minds. For try as I might, I simply cannot seem to figure them out .Hence this is but a humble endeavour to try and understand what a guy means when he asks, ‘Hey, you want to have coffee this Friday?’ Because it can mean the following things:
a) I think you are cool and I would like to know you better.
b) I want to copy those notes that you seem to be taking in every lecture with your nose in that notebook, you nerd of the highest order, otherwise I’d have ignored you like the plague.
c) Hey, how about a romp in the hay???
Now assuming that your guy meant the first alternative when he popped that question, and your answer was in the negative (because you are in love with your best friend’s hunkalicious big brother) another befuddling event will occur. He will start the wooing process known in more cultured terms as ‘pataoing’, and before you know it, your house will be a shrine to orchids, soft-toys and Lindts. Now, orchids and soft toys you may resist, but chocolates?!?! How on earth will an 18 yr-old, blue-blooded female ever be able to abstain from consuming free Lindts?!?! So your resolve gradually breaks (friend’s big brother who?) and you finally agree to go out on a date with the aforementioned ‘your guy’. One date turns into 4, 4 into a month and soon you are ‘a couple’. Thus begins one of the most nerve-wracking periods in a woman’s life – a relationship.
For a while it is all hunky-dory, till you realize that you are never going to see another Lindt wrapper without a sermon on the recession in the economy, and the honeymoon is over. Then D-day arrives and your guy says, ‘I don’t think things are working out.....’ which can mean the following things:
a) I like your sister
b) I think you are swell, but its time you go to hell.
c) So, how about that romp in the hay, eh?
So now you are nursing a broken heart and cursing the male species, wondering, why do guys chase women they have no intentions of keeping? That, my extra x-chromosomed friends, is the million dollar question. Please answer it and aid my noble quest of making sense of your actions. Or are you not ‘man’ enough?!